The Two Kings

Time was unformed, as it had not yet been forgotten. The planes were not, and then they were. A King, Lord of Gods and Men. A serpent of fiery mist that gathered the void and spun it into coolness. From his thoughts came things, and those things became others, and shaped themselves tangentially. An Icosagon of Equivocation. The forms lapped at the shores of their denial, and woke from upright contemplation into insubstantiality and the rectangular. The King knew that he was pleased, yet in his pleasing came benumbness. And so he looked upon himself and dug his hands unto his self, drawing forth another. And their beards were mighty.

Lo, and Two Kings ruled the land, with fairness and justice, and one was the younger, the better looking, the more rotund of bearing, while one was the older, the suaver, the drunken. And yet their beards were ever met in mightyness. Hark, for as they speak so is Law. And the cry came forth; Let the avengers dual-wield and add bonuses to damage rolls and rider effects and vulnerabilities and all manner of nonsense upon the ranger’s twin-strike with the half-elven dilletante, and the Two Kings spake as one, and they said Nay, for it is OP. And still the lesser ones, who were bereft of beard and sad of face, called out and said, but can we have some magic items? and the Kings Smote them with their Fury, and behold, the items were accursed. And so called out the athlete, who is also known as the lame, because sports are like totally for lamers, and spake he many times of his longbow and of griffons, and the longbow was his penis, and so was he smitten with a urinary tract infection which he genuinely has to take a penalty for but I forgot. And the people wailed, and gnashed their teeth within their beardless mouths, and hoped that they might keep their treasures that the younger King had bestowed upon them in his besotten kindness, and the older King was wroth, and with transcendental Smiting threw about much smiteness, and so they better hope he’s feeling generous, for behold, the word of the younger grows quieter, as the elder resumes his reign.

And The Two Kings were ever wrothful, but the people thanked them for their wrothfulness, as the kings were much beloved, and the people layed much heapings of praise upon them, and bought them things, nice things, like maybe a watch, take them out for a nice meal, or a tablet pc or something, that’d be cool. And their beards were ever mighty.


Hussam: 10/10, would strum longbow to again!

The Two Kings

The Shadow Rising Cadian_Munkey